I waited for you

May-18-2017 – 6:05am

In bed, head deep into a dream of inverse reality. I waited for your smooth sway in the house makes up my oxygen to stay alive. I waited for your soft voice that song the eternal remedy for my life despair. I waited for your soft touch to tap my shoulder and wake me up, as if some mythic goddess, never praised enough, never unproven by science, paid me a visit. I waited for the look of your smile that put perplexity at shame and gives me daily fuel to make sense of living and carry on my engine of life.

I waited for your first words to me as if you invent love with each word that leaves your rose lips. I waited for your hug as if I was a prisoner in chains, shackles and needed your hug to be deliberated from the pain of not living. I waited for you as if I’ve never learned to wait for anything so precious or divine as you. I waited for you as I’ve waited for my first meal of the day, prepared by the best cooks of Eden.

I waited for your goodbye as I walk through another page of my life as if you were the fingers that flip my book each day. I waited for you as I was away from you, I counted the moments I get a glimpse of you like a fetus waiting for his first day. I waited for your presence around me as if you are the only reason why my timeline had a present.

I waited for you to walk into my room like an audience awaits the play of their lifetime in a presidential theater. I waited for you to inspire me each day as if I was mute, death and blind without you. I waited for you to get better, as if you are so divine, nothing can touch you or take you away from me.

I waited for your pains to go away as if pain had no business being without you.
I waited for your silence when silence was the only energy needed to keep this earth a spin.
I waited for you to approve my every single move, thought, action, reaction, as if you are the judge and the road to guidance, which shows me right from wrong.

I waited for you every waking moment of my life since I opened my eyes and will continue to until the unfair course of living stops. I waited for you to slow down my clock as if I was never there unless you existed in my moment as if you moved my clock. I waited for you to share my love for things as if I never loved anything we did not share together.

I waited for you to open your eyes for me and tell me one more time: “ Take care of yourself habibi” as if I lived in a world of savage uncertainty and your words made it safer. I waited for your call as if your words transmitted telephony. I waited for you as I walked through the alley of the unknown as if you are my guarantee to keep living. I waited for you as I ventured on a new path as if you will be there to catch me anytime I fall.

I waited for you

– 6:24am

Rain and Her

The bell rings, the light drizzle of rain slowly massages your cheeks while cleaning your pure guilt from tormented passions. You walk fast as the rain gets heavier and the bell is about to finish its cycle, and there it is, one beautiful piece of existence, sitting on the side of a curb staring at the magnificent view of the gloomy horizon over the bluest sea.

Her face shines as if the rain cannot get to her and the sun is above her as if it was born just to warm up her shadow. Waves of the waters mimicking her gentle smile and with each breath she takes, the clouds dance a beautiful tango. Her hair blowing lightly as if the dust of the universe caresses her head while playing the strings of a guitar made of the milky way.

She stands and start walking your way like she was drawn to you by a magical force of attraction. As she gets closer your eyes come to contact, and there it was, the answers to every love you have ever looked for, every mystery that ever baffled you, every story that did not have an ending, every theory science could not proof, every moment that leads to you being there that moment.

Then she passes and never turns back, neither do you, as the magic of something sacred that passed is followed by a must feel regret to be felt until the moment replicates itself in another existence.

The Question Dilemma

What are you creating? moments of happiness for yourself, for others, things, energy, power, time. It does not matter. The essence of things is not what you think it is, it is in fact the complete opposite of everything you ever thought it was! If you ask how and why, existence will tell you not to question it!

Think about that moment that you anticipated so badly and thought it will make your heart and senses align, and once that moment happened, it became an old decaying addiction you wish you can grab at a whisper of your thoughts, thus your heart and senses starts to wander indefinitely in a sea of tsunamis.

Have you ever thought that you will make something so great, and you will succeed to the degree of euphoric extremity felt only by the Gods? But once you got there the dictator self in you kept diminishing your greatness like a greater thing is still there for you to seek, so you wish what you made was written by a different pen, paper and poet.

Have you thought of those in your life that your heart cherishes and grasps its existence around, but then they vanish between distance and death leaving your existence justified by the clutter made of a dark shadow with a grin smile and an unjustified bad intention.
Have you ever thought of yourself as the king of your own story but with each turn of a page you feel like your life is a memory buried under the years like the magnificent scriptures from the book of nothingness.

Have you ever saw the things that matter the most to you shift with every page of your life, every loved one, every achievement and every moment to become absolute like a sculpture you worked so hard on but it is simply a still molded rock sitting your living room without life or character.

Why everything is made to change this way? i always ask, and i get the same answer, don’t question it!

Homesickness- It keeps on coming back

Each time i’m alone, soul tired and mind intoxicated by the prolonged dreams of progress, it hits me, like a withdraw from a bad addiction or a strong headache after a bottle of cheap scotch.
Shame on a country that separates parents and siblings, friends and memories, loved ones and chirpy feelings of soul surrender to another. But the world goes on, people grow apart but missed, feelings undergo metamorphism and the secret tears become more rare but heavier then the unforgotten lost moments of memories that could have been made if one would have stayed back home.

Three dimensional dream

Dreaming of a memory of a dream that never came through.  Light years are closer to destination than a lost memory of a dream that was forged through inspiration, irrationality, materialization and weird emotional undecisiveness.  If castles are built for kings by overworked and underpaid slave workers, dreams are made for one’s soul by the substance of underdeveloped rational, unreasonable ideas and incoherent thoughts. How many castles never lived to be completed and all that human factor disappeared in the universal shredder of existence like nothingness. We are trained to dream, so that our essence is diluted between the can and cannot, between life as we see it and life as it really is in another dimension we will never attain or get a glimpse of. We are so good at dreaming that we do it well when we are not doing anything else, involuntarily. Dreams are imposed on us, we don’t choose them or make them, but they interlink in their unrealism throughout our lifetime to tell us one thing, how ignorant we are in our journey of subconsciousness.

The swing

The mind dissolves in a deep state of misconciousness when it stares at the depth of time and the depth of our lives. Time is deep enough to bury the unspoken secrets of the lonely spirits and our lives are a short breeze that caresse the cheeks of existence after it drank out of our struggles and our long lasting, desperate prayers.

3:13 am

sat 9/4/10

R.F.

What’s happened!

Feel as if the world has lost its meaning withing the depth of materialism and every day life struggle. And we are a part of it. We cannot escape the fact that we are stuck, stuck, carried, affected, infected with the latest contagious material objects. Back in the day, an idea will make you stay up for nights thinking about the dimensions of it, the effect it has on you, on the world, on life. Now, we stay up for even longer hours, our questions doubled, if not tripled, but only unlocking the features of a new techy device that have no depth in  our lives whatsoever!

Is it that we previously had such an inconvenient life that we need to organize it in bytes, flat screen tvs and  e-readers? Were the ideas that moved us so shallow that we do not yearn for them any more.?

Maybe the world is being tailored for a master scheme to keep it from unlocking the secrets of life? Whereas the secrets are not only in new earth like planets or another alien life, it is in the way we get in touch with our inner thoughts, feelings, ideas, soul, past, future and present.! these are the things that gets us by everyday. take any of those out and we will cease to exist! So why do we ignore them? why do we take for granted the things that shape who we are as human beings?

This is not a complaint about what we are doing at this era in time, but its is a warning about what we will be doing if we lost ourselves in a word full of convenient electronics.

R.F.

Friday sept/3/10

2:06 am